


My Bags Are Packed

by skinsharpenedteeth (Skinsharpenedteeth)



Series: Michael Guerin Week 2020 submissions [1]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Breaking Up & Making Up, Communication, Domestic Violence, M/M, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:08:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26507989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skinsharpenedteeth/pseuds/skinsharpenedteeth
Summary: Written for Michael Guerin Week 2020, Day 1 - "you don't have to stay"Michael and Alex are fighting because no one has yet learned to use their words.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: Michael Guerin Week 2020 submissions [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1927264
Comments: 7
Kudos: 65





	My Bags Are Packed

Michael Guerin Week, Day 1 “You don’t have to stay”

A glass plate shattered against the rough-hewn wood of the cabin wall. Michael ducked away from it; his hands held in front of his body to protect from the next object Alex would fling at him. Another crash beside his head made him flinch again and he looked down to see the handle of his favorite coffee mug. This was getting out of hand.

“Alex, fucking STOP IT,” Michael shouted. Alex just narrowed his eyes and shot another plate at him. This guy should’ve played baseball, he had quite an arm on him. The plate stopped in mid-air two feet away from Michael’s head and he used his telekinesis to slowly lower it to the ground. They needed at least two intact plates for this house to function.

“Alex, stop it, please. I’m sorry,” Michael said, looking at Alex who was staring at the plate on the floor like he could explode it with his mind. He was so angry at Michael. He was always so angry at Michael and Michael? He had no clue how they’d gotten to this point. “Look, whatever I did, I’m sorry.”

“You should probably know what you did if you’re going to apologize for it,” Alex snapped quietly, his voice so low Michael was almost sure he’d imagined the words. But Alex’s red rimmed eyes were glaring daggers at him and his lips were pinched white against each other.

“You’re probably right, but I don’t. I just got home! What could I have done in the last two seconds since I walked in the door?” Michael asked, his tone pleading. He stepped over the broken plates and glasses and started towards the kitchen island. Alex watched him approach. Michael thought that Alex might let him get close enough to touch him, to hold him against his body and let him calm down, but when he reached out for Alex’s hand, he took a step back instead.

“I feel like…” Alex started, not looking at Michael’s face but instead staring at the buttons on his shirt. Michael waited because Alex was usually the better of the two at sharing feelings. Michael was usually the one running away from them.

“I feel like we moved in together and I’ve become furniture to you. You come home, usually a little drunk, you stumble over and kiss me and eat dinner, and then you ignore me until we get in bed and you fuck me. I feel like a fucking ottoman. When I’m useful, you use me, when I’m not useful you let me take up room in the house until I’m wanted. I can’t live this way, Michael, I can’t do this,” Alex finished, his voice watery and trembling. He finally met Michael’s eyes then and all Michael could see was how much he was hurting the man he loved. He didn’t mean to treat him like that.

“You don’t have to stay…” Michael started sullenly. Alex seemed to freeze as he heard those words and then Michael felt him breezing by him, knocking his shoulder and pushing him to the side. He watched him head towards their bedroom and then Michael felt his own hot rush of tears. He could hear the closet doors rolling open and the sound of hangers clicking against each other and screeching quietly along the metal bar they clung to. Alex was going to take him at his word. Alex was leaving him. He hadn’t meant to say that.

He braced his back against the cabinet and sank down onto the kitchen floor. He was crying like he hadn’t done since he was a child. Hiccuping sobs were bubbling out of him and his face felt shiny and hot from tears. He wrapped his arms around his knees and drew up in the tightest ball he could manage, trying to hold himself together. This wasn’t what he wanted. None of this was what he wanted. He’d invited Alex to live with him because they’d been doing so well. Now, two months in, they were shattering. Had he become complacent with Alex? He was so much more of an introvert than Michael was that he hadn’t thought much of not asking him to meet at the Wild Pony after work. And Alex always settled down with a book after dinner while Michael watched TV. It had felt wonderful and comfortable to Michael, not like he was taking advantage of Alex but like they’d found a groove.

“Michael!” Alex’s voice rang out from the living room behind him. Michael sniffed and wiped at his eyes. He didn’t think there was any way that Alex wouldn’t know that he’d been crying, but he didn’t want to also look disgusting. He pushed himself off the ground and stood up, facing Alex who was standing by the couch with a bag in his hand. He still looked fired up, his body practically vibrating with energy. His eyes looked over Michael, taking in his flushed face and red rimmed eyes, and his expression every so slightly softened.

“Michael?” he said his name again, but this time gentler and searching. He put down his bag and walked over to where Michael was standing. His face seemed to be asking Michael all sorts of questions, but Michael didn’t know how to answer them. It was Michael’s turn to put space between them, stepping back and leaning against the cabinets.

“Do you need any help?” Michael asked, voice weak and still thick with emotion. He couldn’t blame Alex for wanting to leave. He was no good at this. He’d never lived with anyone before. Alex just looked at him, eyes sad and imploring as they traced over his features.

“Do you still want me to leave?” Alex asked, his voice subdued as he continued to look at Michael like a puzzle he was always a step away from figuring out. Michael shook his head slowly before answering.

“I never wanted you to leave,” Michael responded, feeling a tear he hasn’t known was there trace it’s way down his cheek. Alex’s brown eyes were also shining with emotion as he tried to take in what Michael had said.

“Then why did you—” Alex started, but Michael cut in quickly.

“I never told you to leave, Alex. I just said you didn’t have to stay. I don’t want you to stay in a situation that’s obviously hurting you, even… “ he cleared his throat before continuing, losing his nerve looking and lowering his gaze from Alex’s, instead concentrating on the space between their shoes. “…even if it’s with me.”

“What if I want to stay with you?” Alex asked, feet shuffling closer to Michael’s. Michael wrapped his arms around himself, trying to hold together what little hope he had that Alex wouldn’t walk away.

“Why would you? I’m obviously not giving you what you need. I didn’t… I didn’t even know there was a problem. I just thought we’d found a lull since we were living together. I didn’t… I didn’t mean to make you feel like… like an object. You’re not that to me, not at all, not in a million years.” Michael laughed without humor, swallowing thickly. “I guess I really am pretty unobservant.”

Alex sighed though his nose. Michael sneaked a look at his face and saw that he was looking towards the door with a look of indecision on his face. Michael took a chance then, stepping into Alex’s space and causing him to look from the door to his face.

“I don’t want you to go,” Michael said simply and slowly, broadcasting his moves, raised his hands and rested them on Alex’s waist. Alex looked back at him and his face cleared of unmade choices. Nodding, his arms wrapped themselves around Michael’s shoulders and Alex pressed them together. Michael melted into him, arms moving to wrap around Alex’s back and his cheek pressed hard against Alex’s shoulder. He sniffed wetly and continued, “But I do think we need to work on our communication.”

Alex laughed a little weakly against his shoulder. It was humorless, just a little bittersweet.

“Yeah, I’d say so. I’m sorry for over-reacting,” Alex apologized against his collar, voice muffled against the fabric of his shirt. 

“How long have you felt like that?” Michael asked, still holding him close. It was easier to talk this through when he didn’t have to look Alex in the face but still got to hold him against him.

“About two weeks,” Alex mumbled. Michael hummed in response, squeezing his arms more tightly around Alex for a moment. Michael turned his head and kissed his neck softly, not looking to start anything but out of need to show him affection, to show him through more than words that he was sorry. But just in case Alex needed to hear it too…

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” Michael whispered, his lips brushing against the shell of Alex’s ear as he apologized. He felt Alex shiver in his arms before he pulled back far enough they could look each other in the eye again.

“Okay. I accept your apology. And I’m sorry also. I should’ve spoken up sooner and not let it eat at me for days,” Alex replied before giving Michael a small peck on his lips. “I’ve never lived with anyone I chose either. I’ll try to get better at talking.”

“If talking is too much, I accept text messages, emails, post-it notes, and hand written correspondence. Sometimes I think better when I don’t have the pressure of the other person staring at me and counting on me to get my meaning right. We can try that if we need to also,” Michael suggested.

“Okay. I’ll accept that plan,” Alex said before raising his arms and draping them over his shoulders. Then he tilted his head and leaned forward, his hips capturing first Michael’s top lip and then with another kiss, his bottom lip. It was sweet and slow and made heat and electricity sing through Michael’s veins.

Michael felt the tension drain from his body as he returned the kiss and kept kissing. Small, desperate pecks and long, deep caresses of lips and tongue. He and Alex were clutching each other, hands grabbing and pulling, as if they were trying to shove themselves into one body. It escalated quickly, every breach to gasp air combined with an “I’m sorry” or an “I love you”. This they were good at. Their bodies always knew how to speak to one another as words so often failed them.

They’d try again tomorrow. They’d try to use their words instead of their bodies to communicate, but they’d had enough words that night. So they stumbled to the bedroom together with less clothes, less words, and less anger that they’d started. They’d try again tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments/Kudos/High Fives keep me ALIVE and my fingers dancing. 
> 
> come see me on my [tumblr](http://skinsharpenedteeth.tumblr.com)!


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